How to Overcome the Overwhelm

Being overwhelmed keeps us in a frustrated mental state and we become stagnant. How often have you felt stuck in your business? How often have you felt like nothing ever gets done because of the never-ending to do list? I have prayed, bargained, and whined for God to give me 4 more hours in my day. 

Yes, I am a person who needs 28 hours to reach my standard of excellence. However, God has continued to send me to voicemail with a full inbox. The overwhelm game has become a rite of passage for most. I bought the t-shirt and the matching socks to display the amount of chaos I was enduring. So the question now is, what can we do about this? How can we overcome overwhelm?

Now, let me start off by giving this disclaimer: overwhelm is not a bad feeling. It is the CONSTANT overwhelm that gets us into trouble. Overwhelm is simply a symptom of a much larger issue ranging between unrealistic expectations, surrounding ourselves with too much noise, lacking appropriate boundaries, a lack of self-care, and a lack of mindfulness and self-awareness.

Now that we have uncovered some of the basic roots to the problem, let’s get to the solution, shall we?

 

NIX THE PERFECTIONISM & THE SUPERWOMAN SYNDROME

Just because you can do all of the things, does not mean you should. Every time you overcommit yourself and fail to follow through on your word, a part of your brand dies. You need to cut that mess out. For some this may be your “Year of Yes” but it doesn’t mean you can’t say no to some things that are justifiably inconvenient. No is a powerful and complete sentence. One that you should be using to remain respectful of your time and your energy. You can also free up your time to doing things that you genuinely enjoy. Your best bet will be to do one thing at a time. Take each priority one at a time and remember that your brand depends on this.

 

SYNC WITH SILENCE

Every notification, alert, email, text message, etc. is not so emergent that you must stop what you are doing. Every time your ‘smart’ phone chirps or beeps, it creates a time warp and sucks you in. You can go from checking your email to watching giraffes fight in the Serengeti on Facebook (trust me, I’ve done it). Then there is the noise that we experience when it comes to comparison. We go through our routine of checking what’s going on in the lives of those we admire. We scroll and scroll, compare their highlight reel to our day-to-day living, we get sad and frustrated, then we sing the “Why Not Me” act. You know, the one where you’re trying to figure out what you are doing wrong and how come you can’t get anyone to join your mailing list, buy your product, or watch your livestream.  It’s all a mind game. One that you have to learn to play and play to win.

You control your mindset and your habits. You determine if it’s worth it to compare what someone is doing to what you are doing (even though no two are the same). Remember that everyone has their own journey. You also need to decide if that alert is more important than what you are focused on. Ask yourself, “What is at stake if I get sidetracked by this notification?” and decide, if you can afford for that to happen. Some of the resources that you can help you with syncing silence include completely silencing your phone while you are doing focused work, downloading an app that gamifies your ability to leave your phone alone, or leaving your normal location of work and changing the environment.

 

STOP SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE AND CREATE BOUNDARIES

Everybody is not going to like you or the way that you do things. Everybody will not understand or care about your vision either. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I had to get tough skin…quick, and understand that what others thought of me was none of my business. I just needed to focus on my mission. We have to stop our people pleasing tendencies. As moms, wives, sisters, aunts, etc. we tend to take on a lot and we want to make everyone happy. It will not happen. That is a pipedream and I am here to shake you out of it. You can’t say yes to everything. Every time you say yes to one thing you are saying no to something else- most of the time it’s to you.

When you set boundaries, you allow others to learn how you want to be treated. You give them the opportunity to respect your time, space, and energy. Set your office hours and stick with it. Close down the laptop when you are spending time with your significant other. Go to bed at a decent time. Schedule your day in a way that allows you to operate at your highest level.

 

STOP TRYING TO POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP

The multiple all-nighters that you thought were a good idea, the hustle & flow of “no days off”, the constant plugged in status that you uphold… IT HAS GOT TO GO!

It is important to give yourself a break-and not feel guilty about it. You are not a robot and you require breaks. God rested on the seventh day and so can you. We tend to remain in the go-go-go state when, in reality, we need to rest, refuel, and recharge. In order to give value to others and care for them, you have to care enough about yourself to take a time out. If you are not filled you can’t pour into anybody. We will not be a part of the burnout club any longer. Rest.

 

BECOME [MORE] SELF-AWARE

Do you really take the time to listen to your mind and body? Probably not as often as you should if you are feeling overwhelmed. So, here’s the tea…

We talked about creating boundaries with others. We must create boundaries for ourselves. Without self-imposed boundaries, we continue to feel overwhelmed, guilt, and anxiety from the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves. The anecdote is simple: begin with your why. Why are you doing this? Why is it important? When you keep your focus on your why, things begin to get much clearer. The no’s become much easier to say. Your cup is easier to fill, and you save your brand.

Gaining clarity in how and why you operate is the key to success, you just have to learn how to use it.

Looking to overcome some of the limiting beliefs that have been holding you hostage? Join the FREE Limit Less 4 Success Mindset Challenge.

This is Why You Have Been Uninspired *Real Talk*

I use to think that I could start a business and as long as I was myself, I would get the clients, achieve my financial goals, and make plans to provide more value to my audience.  At least I thought that's how this whole business thing worked… didn't you?

When you started toying with the idea that you would start your own business, build an empire, and be known within your industry, didn't you think that all you had to do was produce and be yourself? Then, everyone started making noise saying that you had to pitch this way or brands wouldn't sponsor you or you had to use this secret formula to get clients to buy from you. Did it start making you crazy? I know I started feeling that way.

Within the last few weeks, I have experienced a mirage of emotions between being uninspired, irritated by the noise, stuck with being busy, and overall I just couldn't clear my head and get focused.

I would see all of these quotes about what it takes to be successful, sign up for this free webinar, watch my FB Live for my secrets to success, purchase this membership for valued support, sign up for these emails to get closer to your 5 figure income.

I'm over it. I'm sick of the noise. I want everybody to shut the hell up. Seriously, everybody shut the hell up.

Whether you own a business or work a 9-to-5; I think you can agree that hearing all of the noise has become a detriment to success. There are some entrepreneurs that are providing gems but those are few and far between. Everyone else sounds like the old lady at the swap meet haggling over a 25 cent "antique" that worth 2 cents. The noise is getting out of hand and it's mainly because these swap meet businesses aren't genuine. They lack authenticity.

Let me give it to you straight. They are pimping your time for less than what it is worth.  And you have been bamboozled for a free pdf file that has been collecting dust on your laptop and taking up precious space for the last XX days.

 

Stop letting these fake business owners play you.

 

Their pitch is slick. They have the gift of gab and they have a mouthpiece that should be bronzed and presented at the Smithsonian. I give credit where it is due. However, what do we really know about them except for the income reports and the testimonials they have on their website? How often are they really interacting? When are they interacting? Is it when they are launching? Is it ONLY when they are launching something that you here from them? Do they share the good and the great but keep the bad and the ugly close to their chest?

 

Like TLC said… You got a case of the Fake People

 

We all know this business is not for the faint of heart. If you don't know how cruel entrepreneurship can be, you might as well get out now. Go ahead and click exit. Do not pass go. Just go to your 9-5 or prepare for an interview because if you are not ready to experience the nitty gritty… it's best you leave.

 

When I realized what I really needed to happen in order to commit tomyself, I decided to take a break and regroup. I cleansed my social media of pages and people that didn't serve me. I emptied my inbox of all the noise that was being sent every day, and finally, I got real with myself. Listen, I don't want to serve a bunch of B.S. to you. That is not my end goal. I don't want to push noise your way.  In fact, the last thing I want is for what I serve to become noise.  As much as I was investing into every product, service, and masterclass, I wasn't creating much value to you.

 

Don't get me wrong, when I created the printables and these blog posts,  I thought they were needed… I still do. Now I have a new understanding of presenting value and being myself. I want to share my story and my experiences as I continue to build my platform.  I want to be authentic with you and show the good the bad and the ugly. I'm just a regular girl who loves to travel and develop businesses to their full potential. I'm following my dreams, and silencing the noise while doing so.

Why You Should Be Authentic Even When It's Hard

It can be hard sometimes, figuring out who we are versus whom people expect us to be. We all go through a season of roaming. We walk through the proverbial desert or wilderness, desperately looking for pieces of ourselves. Anxiety sets in. We get restless, and instead of practicing stillness- we take over.

Forget letting go and purposely losing control, we do things our way. We do this only to end up at the same spot. We do this dance repeatedly and its not until we get tired of circling the same roundabout that we realize that our way is not working.

We experience frustration and anger. We begin to claim sadness and depression. We seek medication. We seek counsel from others (hey girlfriend let me telllll you), and we refuse to accept the “Under Construction” sign that should be stamped on our forehead. We only trust our own logic and understanding. We let our blinders fall and begin to play the comparison game. Instagram and Snapchat have us locked up and in our feelings. We become cold. Our gratitude is lost.

 

All of this because we didn’t want to be still.

AFILLEDLIFE_STILL.jpg

 

Sometimes, we need checkpoints. We need that humbling moment that lets us know that we don’t have it all together. The Christi Show (IG: @thechristishow) gave me a moment a couple of weeks ago through her loving character Shirleen. Shirleen gave a message about thieves and copycats:

 

“You can’t get blessed doing the Great Value version of a vision that God gave someone else.” – Shirleen (@thechristishow)

 

When we make the decision to be still, we allow blessings to come our way. We allow miracles to happen. Regardless if you are religious or not- blessings and miracles exist. When we choose to be still, we gain clarity. We know what is for us and what is not. Who is for us and who is not.

When we are still, our predestined path is highlighted in ways only we can perceive.

The battle is a long one, but as we practice our stillness, we begin to experience discernment. We begin to see our walk and our vision. We ignore others expectations. We begin to see that the lesson is greater than the reward (Thanks Kirk Franklin). We see that what we receive is much greater than what we planned for ourselves.

All of us have a walk that we must carry out. We might as well walk our own path instead of tripping and stumbling over every pothole and hurdle in someone else’s path.

 

#Checkpoint : Let's Discuss Anxiety, Doubt & Loneliness

We've all have been there before, regardless if we want to admit it or not, where we feel a certain type of way about life. Whether you are giving through a trial or discovering your own strength- we all feel a certain way about it.

 

Sometimes these moments leave us feeling alone, lost, bewildered, bamboozled, and most certainly frustrated to no end. You may b going through the thick of it as read this (I'm sending you virtual hugs).

You must know that this is just TEMPORARY.

Whatever you believe and however you believe...

It doesn't last always.

Here are 6 ways to combat the feelings of defeat, anxiety, and loneliness and to come out a conquerer:

  1. Know that Feelings are not Facts. Decipher the two and give your energy to how to find the opportunity in the situation.
  2. Tune out the negativity... including your own. Don't entertain the negative self-talk. Keep it positive and look for that silver lining. Often, I will give myself a few moments to feel and experience the problem then I move on and it works wonders!
  3. Read. Reading has so many positive benefits. Read to increase your vocabulary, to have something to talk about in social circles, and to learn new things. The important thing is to  get out of your own head.
  4. Listen to uplifting, feel good music. Music is known to sway our moods in one direction or another. Classical music helps with concentration, upbeat "happy" music has a similar effect. 
  5. Smile- in spite of it all. Smile although it hurts. Don't let the situation keep you down. Some people will stay bummed out even after they have made it through the trial... those people are not fun to be around. Don't become one of those people. 
  6. Practice Gratitude. When we practice gratitude, it is easy to move forward through life. We are all here for a reason and when we realize that trials are just a part of life (no one is exempt- regardless of what's on their Instagram). We have to roll with the punches that land and be grateful for those that didn't.

Don't feel like you have to suffer alone. Don't be ashamed that life is handing you a poor hand. When you conquer this test, share it with others so that they know that it's possible to overcome. Get up, dust it off, and keep moving!

The #1 Goal You Should Have This Year

 

We all have unique and special gifts. Some of us know what our gifts are and others have yet to discover them. Your gifts are not at a stretch of your imagination, it is something that you do exceptionally well without a second thought. Others compliment you on it consistently. …Do you see where I am going? Inside of your being lie gifts that are unique to YOU. No one else can perform these gifts like you can.

For example, there are tens of thousands of bloggers in the blogosphere. We may all write about similar topics, use similar photos or themes, but the things that sets us each apart is our gift of perception and our voice. They say nothing is new under the sun, and this is completely true. What makes your gifts work is the innovation you put behind it.

Ok Ola, That’s all good but HOW do I find my gifts? Of course I won’t leave you hanging. Here are some tips on how to find your gifts:

1. Look back to your childhood. What did you enjoy doing? What were your favorite activities? Revisit those.

2. What can you do exceptionally well with little effort? Maybe you are a good organizer, writer, dancer, researcher, (hello Googlers).

3. Think about what your friends and family members compliment you on. What do they seek your assistance or advice for?

4. Take some solo time to think about what you consider to be a gift

5. Take a few assessments online to find your strengths and gifts. Some sites include:

~http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

~https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/quiet-the-power-introverts/201104/quiz-discover-your-signature-strengths

 6. Journal! As a youth, we can remember either writing in our diaries or making fun of our siblings for having a diary. I was a journal-holic. I enjoyed writing everything because if I didn’t have anyone to talk to or listen, I knew my journal was there and waiting. I encourage everyone to try to journal, everyday for at least 1 month. If it’s not for you- that’s fine- but you’d be surprised by what you will find. (Side note- As I write this particular tip, I am reminding myself to get back into journaling).

When you begin to search for your gifts and talents, they will find their way to you. Do not discount anything. Do not be a disservice to yourself by not appreciating what is unique to you. Remember there are people making a grip playing video games for a living…and that is a gift of hand and eye coordination.